Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for His will for us and the power to carry that out.
~ 11 Step of Alcoholics
Today’s theme is listening.
Listening, really listening, is very hard for me. That can be a real challenge, considering that my earthly job title is ‘counsellor’. When working with a client, I do a reasonably good job of listening, to understand the fears, worries, objections and meaning behind their words. And I suppose that the positive feedback they give me at the end of an hour is an indication that I indeed understood and provided some useful feedback.
But, when it comes to me being the the one who needs counsel, I find myself racing ahead to think of the next line, the clever response, or simply whining about my problems, and demanding a solution, a cure-all that I can put into action. Me, me, me. If I keep talking, racing ahead, grasping at straws and grabbing hold of the wheel, then maybe, just maybe I will feel in control again. It’s very hard for me to accept that I must let go and let God lead me through this time of re-birth.
When I pray, I am asking God for something. Guidance, revelation, forgiveness, resources, miracles, etc. It’s like I pick up the cosmic Iphone, hit speed dial and leave a message:
“Hey there God, it’s me, Jan. I’m just checking in to see where we are in that whole Jan’s purpose in life thing. Are You any closer to having an answer for me? Is there something I should be doing, someone I should be contacting? Anyway, if you could get back to me as soon as possible, that’d be great… It’s me, Jan.”
It doesn’t matter if I am leaving a message, sending a text or a “knee mail”. If I’m talking, I’m not listening.
Meditation is when we listen for His word. Faith is when we accept what He says without reservation, repent for our worldly stubbornness and accept His leading.
Today, I spent some time in prayer and meditation, I think without an agenda except to see if I could actually just listen. It was wonderful. I prayed only that I could just put my worldly fears and thoughts aside for a few moments and just open my heart and soul to His words. There was no list of questions I wanted answers to, no magic 8 Ball to shake, no reference book to consult. There was just me, myself and I listening to God.
What I heard is between God and I. Suffice it to say, we connected. He spoke, I listened and I came away with a sense of peace. He told me everything I need to know today.
For now, I am trying to develop an attitude of gratitude, appreciating that as I continue to go through this transformation, I am gaining strength, refinement, and will experience an epiphany in God’s own perfect time. In the meantime, I know this for sure…
It’s me, Jan
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