The End of Ego - Chapter 6 & 7

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Suddenly, it got very dark.  All of the Master’s creations grew quiet, looking around at one another at the realization that they had just destroyed the Master’s greatest work of all times. Nobody knew what to do, but they were sure they were in for it. So they turned around and ran home to hide.  All except for Jan. She leaned her back on the tree, and stared at her heart, still beating in her hands and wished that she could have given it to the man in exchange for the redemption upgrade.  Sadly but gently, she re-installed her feather-light-yet-somehow-heavy heart, and  cried and cried and cried. She felt like she had just lost her best friend forever.

Eventually, Jan reached for her bag and looked around for the contents that she had poured out at the foot of the tree.  The armour was still there, so was the operating manual, although it seemed much thinner.  However, the rest of her “treasures” were gone.  In their place, was a small box; and inside that box was a golden chain strung with a single tiny golden crown engraved with the word Forgiven. In that moment, Jan knew that her life would never be the same.

 Chapter 7

When Jan woke up, she grabbed her G-phone and texted the Master: What now?

The Master returned a text: Read the operating manual.

Seriously? Texted Jan.

Seriously. Replied the Master.

J: What’s with the dream?  What was that all about?

G: Read the operating manual.

J: What about the man on the tree?  He was so real!  Did you really create Him?

G: Read the operating manual… TTYL.

Jan sighed, and grabbed the operating manual out of her bag, which was much roomier now that all the junk was gone. Out tumbled the tiny box and when Jan opened it up, she found the golden chain strung with the tiny crown which was now engraved with  Forgiven…BFF. As she placed the chain around her neck, her feather-light heart leapt for joy. “That was no dream; that man was the real deal. He took of my miserable junk files and left me with a pure heart.” With that, Jan realized that she had been forgiven, and that her new operating system had been  saved.  Without having to pay one red cent; just for believing that the man nailed to the tree had indeed fulfilled His promise to the Master, she had received the redemption upgrade. Never in her life had Jan felt so loved. 

The End of Ego - Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The Merchant, all ready to pack Gladlegs into his pleather carrying case, watched as the bizarre little machine processed the debit card.  A searing flash of heat and a volt of electricity sent an excruciating pain up through his arm and into his head.  There was a high-pitched whistle that bore like a laser into the merchant’s brain, bringing his to his knees.  Ego clapped his hands over his own ears to block out the horrible sound and he dove under the merchant’s table to hide from the ghastly noise.  Only Jan seemed unaffected.  The strange little debit machine was lying on the ground smoking and flashing. She picked it up and read the message: Price too high to pay…Price too high to pay…Price too high to pay.  Gladlegs looked around at all the chaos and shrugged his shoulders.  “Never mind,” he said to Jan, “There’s always someone who is willing to pay the price.” And with that, he flopped to the ground; the golden wires tangled in a heap around his feet.

The merchant clamoured back to his feet, his arm hanging uselessly by his side. Turning on Jan, he stalked up and pressed his ugly contorted face against hers. His voice was no longer husky and his eyes no longer limpid, his breath was hot, rancid and disgusting. Jan should have been afraid, but remembering what the Master had told her, she slipped on her armour for protection, and hit the app on her G-phone, which brought up a hedge of angels to surround her. 

“EGO! You stupid, useless fool!”, screamed the merchant. This woman belongs to the Master – she has the strongest firewall I’ve ever seen, and her anti-virus program is updating itself faster than I can draw in a breath.  She is no use to me. Next time, bring me a nice fresh dead soulless creature!”  With that, the merchant, his fancy stall and all his wares disappeared. That left Ego crouching with his hands over his ears, whimpering, and mumbling, “I thought she was ripe for the taking. I thought she was done for…”. And Ego, too, vanished.

Jan picked up the debit card which was laying at her feet and tucked it back into her wallet.  She turned to thank her angel squad, but found that she was no longer in the misery market, but at home, safe and sound. 

“Well, that was just plain weird! I seriously need to meet a better class of people than Ego. That guy’s got issues.” said Jan, as she took off her armour and packed it back into her bag. Remembering what the Master had said about all the new gadgets he had installed, she got out the Operation manual and started to read up on her new program. The instructions were incredibly technical and boring and way beyond Jan’s ability to comprehend.  “I don’t get it!”, she wailed. “There’s so many rules and regulations in the first part of this book – and  warnings of dire consequences if I screw things up.” She tossed the book into a corner, snuggled up with her blankie, and went to sleep.

That night, Jan had an amazing dream.

The End of Ego - Chapter 3

Chapter 3

As quick as you can blink, Jan found herself in a huge outdoor market resplendent with brightly lit stalls and gaudily dressed hawkers who shouted out their wares.

“Guilt here! Lots of gooey, glorious guilt! Last for year’s this stuff will… fresh out of the past, ready to go.  Get your guilt here!

“Huzza, huzza, huzza! Hop on over here and take a look.  Today’s special is an enormous supersized bucket o’ shame, just shipped in this morning.  Extra-strength shame, guaranteed to make you avoid the truth, live a lie and hide your face.  For today only, you will get two buckets o’ shame for the price of one and as a bonus for signing up right now, a HUGE regret.”

Jan couldn’t believe her eyes!  All her favourites in one place?  What luck!  But the moment that thought bubble popped out of her brain, a message appeared from her operating system, warning her that this guilt and shame contained nasty viruses that would surely cause serious damage.  Then, the Guilt and Shame hucksters disappeared in a putrid puff of smoke. No more guilt or shame could be found anywhere in the market place.

“No worries,” said Ego, “There’s plenty of other cool stuff that you like.  See over there, that guy waving his cloven hoof at us?  Let’s see what he’s got for you.”

Jan, never one to miss a potential deal, scurried off to the biggest, most colourful and brightly lit stall in the market.  There was a wonderful smell coming from inside, and music so sweet that it almost moved her to tears. The "merchant" was a handsome devil with a sensual smile and limpid eyes that seemed to look into her heart.

“I know exactly what you are looking for my sweet,” he said in a deep, husky voice that made Jan’s heart pound faster. “Forget all about those fools who dabble in nonsense like guilt and shame. I have something so much more satisfying than that junk.  Take a look at this!”

With a snap of his fingers, there was a big bang, flashing lights, and what sounded like a choir of angels heralding the arrival of a most marvelous creature.“Madame, I present to you, GLADLEGS: Greed, Lust, Arrogance, Deception, Larceny, Envy, Gluttony, and Selfishness.” 

Gladlegs was a magnificent marionette strung together with golden wires. With a flick of his wrists, the merchant made the puppet dance a silly jig and then bow at Jan’s feet as though she was a royal princess. A crowd formed and applauded as Gladlegs performed one amazing trick after another.  So entranced were they, that no one noticed the pick pockets who were sliding big bill folds of Want into their pockets.  Everyone wanted to buy Gladlegs and the bidding war began.

“Wait!” cried Jan, as she dug around in her purse for her wallet. “I’ll give you everything I have for Gladlegs… how much do you want?”

The merchant exchanged a sneaky glance with Ego, and then shouted out to the crowd. “Sorry folks, there’s only one Gladlegs available today, and it’s going to Yochanan.” A huge wail of despair arose from the mob, but muttering and stomping their feet, they left the scene – leaving only Jan, Ego and the merchant.

“Nobody calls me Yochanan but the Master.  How did you know my name?” Jan started to have a sick feeling, a strong sense that something was very, very wrong.  Seeing her concern, the Merchant made Gladlegs do another trick – it seemed to be dancing on its own, jumping up high and then swooping down over the top of their heads. Then, Gladlegs landed on the merchant’s shoulder, winked at Jan and whispered, “You know you want me; I’m everything you ever dreamed of and more. Everyone will be in awe of you.  Everyone will think you’re so cool.  Everyone will say “There goes Jan – she’s so awesomely cool.”

With that, Jan pulled out the only form of currency in her possession: a debit card.  The Master had given it to her as part of her new program. “Here, take this. Max it out if you have to; but I must have Gladlegs!”  Warning bells were chiming, her stomach was lurching, sweat rolled down her back. All of this made Gladlegs laugh. The merchant plucked the debit card out of Jan’s hands and swiped it through a strange looking machine.  Everyone held their breath as they waited for the transaction to go through.

The End of Ego - Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The Master Designer, who never lost track of a single design, could not stand to see such a precious masterpiece fall apart.  In the course of her life, He had reached out and upgraded Jan’s design so that she would function according to his original plan.  First, there was Jan A, then Jan B, then Jan AB, then Jan ABC, and finally, his best version… Jan C. In this version, the Master upgraded Jan’s vision so that she could see things for what they really were.  He cleaned out her ears so that she could hear the truth and tune out deception.  Her worn-out heavy heart was replaced with one so light, Jan felt like she was floating. Finally, The Master ran a virus check, and sure enough found Ego lurking in the place meant to contain her soul. There he was lounging on top of the mountain of garbage that Jan had stored up over the years. In one fell swoop, the Master shoved Ego off his trashy throne along with all the junk files – into the garbage heap where they belonged.

“Ego!  What a fool you are to think that you have any real power over my creations.”  Ego did not answer, because as far as the Master was concerned, he had no voice.

The Master set Jan down, good as new.  She ticked and tocked and whizzed and pinged and whooshed and zwheeeeeed and beautiful beams of light radiated everywhere.  Jan had never felt so good, and she thanked her Master from the bottom of her new, feather-light heart.

“It is my delight to restore you my dear one. You are now as good as new.  But Jan!  Beware of Ego.  He is not going down without a fight, and you are in for a battle royale.  I’m not kidding – this guy is ruthless.  Before long, he’ll slither out of the garbage, and try to wriggle his way back into your life.”

“The good news is that I have programmed you with all the necessary tools to defeat him.  There is a suit of armour at your disposal, so put it on every day.  Remember the instruction book I gave you when I first planted you on the Earth?  Read it! Every day.  Everything you need to know is in there.  And of course, if there’s anything you need, just ask.  I’m never far away.”

Jan smiled and was about to run off and carry on with her life, but then realized that she had no idea where she was going. That stopped her dead in her tracks. 

Right or left? This way or that way? Up? Down? In or Out?  Jan turned back to the Master and gave him a quizzical “What now?” kind of look. 

The Master smiled and said, “Don’t fear.  I have a great plan for you. A plan for you to flourish, not to flounder. Right now, I want you to rest and acquaint yourself with your new-found strengths.  Everything you need to fulfil my plan is included in your new program.  There’s gadgets galore, and you’ll need some time to figure out how they work.  I’ll send some of my helpers to guide you through the instruction book. In the meantime, watch out for Ego.  He’s sneaky and he’s always on the prowl.” With that, the Master returned to His workshop. 

Ego, scaredy-cat that he was, had been cowering behind a slimy pile of guilt.  As soon as the Master’s back was turned, he sidled over to Jan and whispered in her ear, “I see you are fresh out of fear… let’s go shopping, I know a great place where we can go!”

The End of Ego

CHAPTER ONE

Once upon a time…

There was a Master Designer who was known far and wide for His incredible and exquisite creations, which He carved, wove, welded, knitted, stitched, nailed, glued and pieced together; then painted with bold and gentle brush strokes in amazing technicolour.  His creations were distinctive and precious – a perfect design so qintricate that no copy could ever be made.  Each design was the real deal, a beauty to behold – and when He was satisfied with His work, he released it to the universe in a specially chosen place where it could do the most good and offer something of value to others.

The Master was clever in His design, with each piece intended for a special purpose, but also made to interface with many other creations in order to achieve a higher intent.  As his wonderful handiworks melded together, He would sometimes reach out and tweak or upgrade each work of art to make an even better version. Eventually, the Master would declare His beloved creations to have run their course, and so each masterpiece would eventually be retired and take its rightful place back in His workshop.

One of the Master’s original works was a piece called Ego. Ego was a morning star design; one of the Master’s most beautiful pieces of work.  Sadly, Ego took a notion that he was such a superior creation that he surpassed every other design in the universe.  He wreaked havoc in the Master’s workshop, and eventually was tossed out. In revenge, Ego found his way to Earth and sought out other creations to meld with so that he could mess with the Master’s handiwork.  A master of disguise, he latched on to one creation after another, built them up with false promises and then robbed them of their energy, stomped on them and then scraped them off his shoes into a dark pit. It broke the Master’s heart to see so many of his creations lost like this and so, He went to work on His greatest design which took many centuries to perfect. 

It came to be that the Master created a new design – a rather complicated piece with many moving parts; some that ticked, some that tocked and lots that went whiz!... and ping!... and whoosh!... and zwheeeeeee!  This new creation was filled with beams of colourful lights and when shaken or held tightly in His hands, these lights would radiate and bounce around his workshop like a rainbow.  The Master was particularly pleased with this new-fangled creation and therefore put a lot of thought into choosing  its purpose before releasing  it into the universe, setting it down in a small village, in the northwestern hemisphere of his beloved planet Earth. As with all of his creations, this new masterpiece was given a name. He chose Yochanan, meaning “God’s Gracious Gift” or Jan for short.

“There’s a lot going on with this particular creation! It’s too beautiful and full of energy to just sit on a shelf or take root in the Earth.  Therefore, I’m disguising her as a human child and placing her among, my most blessed creations, the humans, with a purpose that will unfold according to My plan.”

Jan was a curious human, always searching, peeking inside of drawers and cupboards, looking for something.  Exactly what, was never quite clear, but along the way she discovered all kinds of bits and pieces, some bright and shiny, others not so much.  She tucked these away in her pockets, and when they were full, she stuffed them in bags that she slung over her shoulders like a yoke.  

For many years, Jan believed that these "treasures" were incredibly valuable and important; the very definition of her.  She feared that without these possessions, she would fail to exist.  The bags got heavier and heavier and began take a terrible toll. Her beautiful lights grew dim, and she no longer ticked nor tocked, whizzed or pinged, whooshed or zwheeeeeed.  She could only manage a weak “Sigh” now and then. 

Ego, who had noticed Jan when she first arrived on Earth, was a faithful travelling companion for much of her life.  He was responsible for her compulsion to hoard ugly things like worry, fear and guilt and resentment.  If Jan came across something nice like a compliment, Ego would whisper, "Compliments are a dime a dozen. Save the space for the important stuff, like resentments.  You know how much you love to chew on one of those!" He was just waiting for the day that Jan would finally break down for good and he could toss her on the scrap heap. Jan was sinking fast!

Getting unstuck

Today, I am feeling a little stuck.  Whether it is lack of energy, or an overload of  information; I find myself at a cross road marked by a huge post with little signs pointing in every direction suggesting a different path...  and I'm just feeling a little stuck.

The question I must ask myself is "Am I really stuck or just waiting for Good Orderly Direction - God - to reveal next steps?" I acknowledge that according to His Divine Order, I am exactly where I am meant to be,waiting for the unfolding of my consciousness according to His perfect plan. I also recognize that when I wander off in search of things that are not in my best interest, I get horribly lost and set upon by a notorious gang of bandits AKA worry, fear, guilt and regret. So, if not stuck, then waiting for God. Eyes wide open, ears tuned, heart and soul exposed to His light.  Standing on my tippy toes, peering beyond the sign post and trying to catch a glimpse of what's ahead.

It would be so much easier if I had a road map with very clear directions... or better yet, a GPS! Yes, a GPS - a Godly Preference System - that gives me very specific instructions, turn-by-turn in order to get me to my destination.  A Voice that warns me in advance that a turn is 500 meters ahead, or a detour is necessary to overcome obstacles in my path. Even a warning 'ping' when I deliberately try to merge on to a toll road of my own choosing in order to avoid heavy traffic. Gee that would be nice.

So, if I am not stuck, and I am going to move ahead today in search of the next piece of the puzzle that is my life right now, I think it behooves me to pack some provisions for the journey:
1. Faith that the people, resources, information will come to me exactly when needed.
2. Patience as I undergo the necessary growth, strengthening and healing in order to obediently follow instructions.
3. Courage to follow said instructions to the letter, even when I get distracted by self-doubt (or squirrels) or besieged by fear.
4. Willingness to use my God-given skills and knowledge to fulfil His purpose.

It is difficult to see myself beyond where I am in this moment. Even more challenging, is figuring out how I will get to where I am meant to be.  God has blessed me with a colourfully creative mind that paints elaborate pictures (visions or fantasies?)  Some of these pictures end up being jewelry or quilts created with my own 2 hands. Other times, what I see is an event or a moment that happens in the future - hence the many deja vu moments I've experienced in my life. Sadly, I was misinformed by many well-meaning adults in my life, that these visions were nothing but daydreams and hence a waste of time; therefore I've not put much stock into them either...until now.

Here's a thought: I have made a commitment to do what God has sent me here to do. For many years, I have had a vague awareness of Him, but I was too scared or stubborn to ask about His particular plans for me in case He wanted me to do something I didn't want to do.  Here I am now, asking HOW, WHEN, and WHERE, and God is simply waiting for me to say yes.

Marianne Williamson, author of A Return to Love, says, "No matter what you can ask for, it is only a microscopic view of what God wants to give you!" If I am feeling stuck then it only due to my limited view of who and what I am meant to be. So, instead of telling God what I want, I simply need to ASK Him to show me what is in store for me and for the guidance in developing in myself whatever qualities and characteristics necessary to make His vision of me and for me into reality.

So, with faith I take a step forward and see what He puts in my path today.  Patiently, I await His answer to my questions and prayers, knowing that His vision for my is so much greater than anything I could imagine on my own. I summon up the courage by immersing myself in His word, and placing my life and will in His hands. Thus begins the journey of Jan. Can't wait to see where He takes me next, and will be sure to send post cards along the way!

It's me, Jan.

Fearless Morrel Inventory

Once upon a time there was a princess who decided to disguise herself as a commoner and live among her people for a while.  She had spend her entire adult life living in an ivory tower, ruling her kingdom, serving her subjects faithfully, and fighting off the many enemies who sought to reek havoc and disturb the peace in her realm. No matter how hard she fought, how fair she was in her rulings, the citizens in the kingdom seemed unhappy and on the verge of revolt.  Her royal advisers suggested that she mount a crusade against her enemies in an effort to restore peace and to cheer up her people.

So, out she went riding on her white horse, dressed up in shiny armor and a really cool outfit that made her look cheerful, confident and strong - ready to take on anything.  But her subjects just weren't buying it, and they banished her from the castle and sent her packing.  Although the princess was devastated and just a little pissed, she soon came up with a plan to regain her kingdom and win over her people.

"Nobody thinks that I am fit to rule and maybe, just maybe I've become a bit too detached from my loyal subjects. I'll take off my royal robes and put aside my crown for a while and live as a commoner in the village." And for the first time in her memory, the princess found herself living a quiet, anonymous life with no demands on her time or energy.  At first it seemed strange, but soon she discovered that it was bliss!

In her clever disguise as a house wife, the princess learned how to take care of her own needs.  She cleaned, cooked, did laundry, baked, and supported herself by sewing and making jewelry. The people in the village took little notice of her at first, but slowly she became known as a friendly neighbour who always had a kind word for everyone.

One day, the princess decided to throw a dinner party for the whole village.  She wanted to get to know her subjects and discover their talents and interests.  That way, when she retook her kingdom, she could rule through collaboration and teamwork and by doing so, become known through out the land as a peaceful ruler and her realm as stronghold of peace and integrity, beyond the reach of enemy forces. And so, she sent out the invitations and prepared the menu.

She decided to  make a wild mushroom risotto, a beautiful salad and strawberry shortcake for dessert, as she already had the ingredients in her larder.  Had she known what was to follow, she would have set the date for the party a little further into the future.  It took a lot longer to create the feast than anticipated.

First, the princess set about to make the risotto.  Into the larder she went, to get the wild mushrooms she had gathered in the forest.  Shitakes, Oysters,  and Portebello mushrooms were in abundance.  But, the Morell mushrooms could not be found.

"Where are the Morell mushrooms that I picked last week?" she exclaimed. The princess rooted around, pushing aside the many jars  and baskets of food until she found a brown paper sack full of Morells.  But, when she opened the sack, a foul odour filled the air.

"Oh dear, this can't be good." she said to herself.  "I wonder what else is past its due date?"  So, she began to do an inventory and pulled out all kinds of containers and bottles only to realize that much of what was in the larder was rotten and decayed.  There was nothing much work saving, so the whole lot went into the compost.

Deep into the recesses of the larder she went, pulling out sad looking vegetables, half-eaten roasts, sour milk and some things that were so past it they were unrecognizable. The princess grieved the wasted time, money and energy she had taken to create such treasures, only to allow them to wither and rot in the back shelves of her storage room.  Loads of garbage were dragged out to the curb and the recycling bin was overflowing with containers.  When the inventory was complete, the princess realized that she had been storing a burden of useless garbage for too long.

"There's so much room in here!", she exclaimed.  Indeed, the larder was now bright, spacious and smelled clean and fresh.  "I had no idea how dark and dank my larder had become, but now that it's empty, I must be sure to keep only fresh, nourishing foods  in here and never, ever let things pile up and go to waste ever again."

On the appointed day, the people of the village rang the princess's door bell, eagerly anticipating a yummy meal. When the door opened, they found the princess, resplendent in her royal robes, crown shining; her face radiating with confidence and serenity.  She welcomed them in with open arms and embraced them all with love and forgiveness.

The people raised a great and joyful cheer, for they had missed the princess, and regretted their hasty decision to turf her out of the kingdom.  She, in turn, apologized for  deserting  them and closing herself inside  her ivory tower. She vowed to build a new castle with open doors and tall windows so that the light of the Kingdom could shine in and light up every corner of the realm.  At last, the princess and her people were able to live in peace and harmony and word of this blissful kingdom spread out among the rest of the land.

Oh, and the dinner party was a huge success!

So sayeth the princess...

It's me, Jan