Waiting to exhale

Today's theme is patience.

Quiet my mind, oh Lord and open my heart
Fill me with your divine peace;
So that I feel it in every fibre of my body.
As a babe in the womb, floating
in your warm liquid energy;
Suspended in love, safe from harm,
eyes wide open as I see myself through Your eyes.

For the past 24 hours, I have been suffering an acute attack of transition. In my metamorphosis blog, I drew a fanciful picture of transforming like the Monarch butterfly, from a fuzzy, chubby caterpillar  limited to a life of crawling to a winged beauty with boundless opportunity to soar.  Sounds great. And, it will be great, once I finally get there.  The suspense is killing me!

I am a girl who likes to know the plan, from beginning to end, and preferably, I want to be in charge of each and every detail, making all the decisions, calling all the shots, being the Big Boss Of The Whole Wide World.

Except, I'm not the the BBOTWWW.  God is.  He is omnipresent and omnipotent.  He truly is the Boss (sorry Bruce Springstein) and His blueprint for Jan is perfect. Even though I have free will, I don't get a say in said plan.  I can choose not to accept and follow the plan, but there are consequences to that.  I only have to look at my history to know, that when I ignore God's leading (my conscious thoughts,) and go for instant gratification, I usually wander off and find myself in trouble. For example, any activity that I indulge in that is prefaced with the phrase "Oh what the hell...) typically is a WRONG CHOICE!  But, when I am about to do something, no matter how insignificant or big, and then hear a quiet, gentle voice in the back of my brain saying "That's not the right thing for you.", and actually listen to that voice, there are no regrets - ever.

So, here I am, making a conscious choice to place myself in God's hands, praying only for knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry that out.  His will, not mine.  His divine plan executed with His perfect timing.  So I wait.

Calm my heart, oh Lord and fill my soul
With expectant wonder, turning each page of my life
In eager anticipation of where you will take me next.
Remove the fear, impatience and stubbornness born out of worldly hunger
And form Your wondrous version of me.

Heal my body, oh Lord and make me whole.
Remove the stress and pain that fills my mind, heart and soul.
Place Your healing hands upon me and extract the depression, resentment and grief.
In its place, I long for the peace that passes all understanding, the courage to turn my face upwards to bathe in Your light, grace and mercy.

Amen

It's Me, Jan