SERENITY NOW!!!

Serenity Now!

"Serenity now! Serenity now!"

"What is that?"

"The doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say 'serenity now!'"

"Are you supposed to yell it?"

"The man on the tape wasn't specific."

- Frank and George, in Seinfeld "The Serenity Now" episode

Today’s theme is Serenity (what gave it away?)

So, I am sitting here @ 8:30 a.m. on a Sunday morning, cup of coffee in hand, windows open to let in the sunshine and bird song. It’s a long weekend, the weather is perfect, and we have no pressing chores, obligations or problems to deal with (well there is that little issue of  me being unemployed, but I don’t bother with that stuff on the weekends.) Doesn’t it sound wonderful???

Then why the heck do I feel bummed out? Habit, probably.  Easiest thing in the world is to entertain my old friends depression, resentment and fear; a threesome who lack ambition to achieve anything in life, and consequently live in my head rent-free, eating me out of house and home, and leaving a mess all over the place. I have served them with an eviction notice, but they’re not going quietly. 

I WANT SERENITY NOW!!!!   SERENITY NOW!!!

My husband, God love him, is a huge fan of the Serenity Prayer… “Accept the things you cannot change, Jan…” (Now, imagine me repeating that but with a sarcastic, pouty look on my face.)

I don’t want to accept nothin!  I want every person who ever said or did anything to **** me off to admit they were wrong, apologize and give me a peace offering.  Whether a stranger, like that semi truck driver who blasted his stupid loud horn while passing me in my tiny car, just cause he’s way bigger than me and wanted to scare me.  Thought I’d forgotten about that didn’t you, Mr. How’s My Driving?  I’d of taken down that number on the back of your truck so I could phone and complain, except I was too busy gripping the steering wheel in terror and trying not to soil my underwear.  Jerk!!! Or, my brother who purposely woke up an hour early every Saturday morning and opened all the boxes of cereal to steal the neat little promo toys, after I already called dibs on them… Not Fair!!!   How about my Ex-husband, my grade 4 teacher, my last boss, Revenue Canada, Bell Canada, and let’s not forget about that rude lady at WalMart who chose to answer the phone instead of serving me after I stood in line for 20 minutes to return the mislabelled sheets that didn’t fit my bed.  I have only just stopped loathing her.

SERENITY NOW!!!

Every single person that ever robbed me of my serenity should band together and form a 12 Step Support group where they must admit to thwarting their power over me and making my life unmanageable. Then, after completing a fearless and moral inventory of themselves, they would admit to God, themselves and ME the exact nature of their wrongs. After that, I would take the floor and give each person the tongue-lashing they so deserve, and then the coup de gras:  I walk out of the room, head held high, leaving a weeping, regretful bunch of “sorry” losers unforgiven. Ha! Put that in your corn pipe in smoke it.  Who’s turned the tables now, huh? Yes, that’ right… Me!

Hmmmmm perhaps I shall take some time today to reflect on Serenity. 

I’ll get back to you.

It’s me, Jan